Assignment 1: Formal Letter
Subject:
Self Introduction letter
Dear Professor Blackstone,
This is an
introduction letter about me that I hope will allow you to get to know me
better.
I graduated
from Temasek Polytechnic earlier this year with a Diploma in Integrated Facility
Management and I am currently pursuing my degree in Sustainable Infrastructure
Engineering for Building Services in SIT.
As a facility Manager is one of the potential careers that my diploma would lead me to, it heightened my interest in engineering as I used to take the beauty of the infrastructure and facilities of a commercial building for granted as the majority of the buildings in Singapore are well maintained, ensuring that the building adheres to the specific guidelines.
As a facility Manager is one of the potential careers that my diploma would lead me to, it heightened my interest in engineering as I used to take the beauty of the infrastructure and facilities of a commercial building for granted as the majority of the buildings in Singapore are well maintained, ensuring that the building adheres to the specific guidelines.
In terms of
communication, I feel that one of my strengths in communication is that I am
a good listener. For instance, my friends would confide in me whenever they face any problems because I am able to listen well without interrupting them.
Moving on, one of my weaknesses which I feel that I have to improve on is the lack of confidence to voice out when in a large group. For example, back in my polytechnic days, I had to attend many meetings as I participated as one of the game programmers for a camp. I was overpowered by my other friends as my voice were too soft and I did not have the confidence to speak up as well. Thus, I was listening to their opinions most of the time and only spoke up when I had the chance.
Moving on, one of my weaknesses which I feel that I have to improve on is the lack of confidence to voice out when in a large group. For example, back in my polytechnic days, I had to attend many meetings as I participated as one of the game programmers for a camp. I was overpowered by my other friends as my voice were too soft and I did not have the confidence to speak up as well. Thus, I was listening to their opinions most of the time and only spoke up when I had the chance.
Through this
module, I hope that I would be able to hone my communication skills as well as
to improve on my ability to write up a good quality report in preparation for my
incoming IWSP.
I believe
that through your guidance and my effort, I would be able to achieve the goals
that I have set for myself and I look forward to going on this journey with you.
Best
Regards,
Angelina Tan
SIE2016 Group 6
Commented on Ray's, Chris's and Amanda's posts.
Edited on 26/9/2019
Commented on Ray's, Chris's and Amanda's posts.
Edited on 26/9/2019
Hi Angelina, I felt that your ideas were well organized and it flowed well. The tone of the letter was also, respectful, polite and engaging. Well done!!
ReplyDeleteHi Chris, thanks for the feedback!
DeleteHey Angelina, your content & language are well-written & organised! However along the third paragraph, I felt that you could break it down a little to facilitate a better transition for the readers. Good job anyways!
ReplyDeleteHi Ray, thank you for your feedback! I will make changes to my letter to make it more organised :)
DeleteHello Angelina, I like your content as every example you give is well supported and it is well organized. Lastly, i hope you can achieve the goal you set for yourself!
ReplyDeleteHi Calvin, thank you for your feedback! Let's achieve our goals together:)
DeleteHi Angelina!:)
ReplyDeleteGood sentence sentence you have! Content is good as well because you have include your personal experience as describe about your strengths and weaknesses. Personally, I could relate to your weaknesses because I do have them as well. Hope at the end of the module, we could improve together in that aspect.
Hi Amanda! Thank you for pointing out what i have done well. Let's work hard and improve together! :)
DeleteHi Angelina,
ReplyDeleteGood General content for the formal letter. I was thinking that maybe you can add more examples/ be more specific on the content will make the letter better.
For organisation-wise, maybe break up the longer paragraphs into smaller chunks so that it is easier to read.
Looking forward to your other writings!
Hi Joe, thank you for pointing out what i have to improve on! I will make the changes to my letter :D
DeleteDear Angelina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this generally clear, concise and yet fairly complete self-introduction. You've followed the model presented in class and developed a letter that addresses the task requirements with some detail. I appreciate, for example, the explanation of your interest in building engineering and the review of your strengths and weaknesses in communication. But I do have a few questions.
For a start, you mention that you were "exposed to the job role of a Facility Manager." What does being exposed mean in this case? Did you assist such an enigneer? Did you work as one? You need to be specific.
Also, you state that you "used to take the beauty of the infrastructure and facilities of a building for granted" since most buidlings in Singapore are "well preserved." If I consider the thousands of buildings this might include -- from commercial to industrial to residential -- I have to wonder how accurate that statement is. Of course, the first question may be, what does 'well preserved" actually mean?
Finally, you illustrate how your voice was often not heard when you were in your poly committee, using that as an example of your weakness. However, when you state that you are a good listener, you don't give an example. What shows this trait?
It is also good to know that you have in mind specific goals for the learning in this module. I'm certain we can address each of those. One is that you state that you'd like to improve in your writing. Toward that end, in this letter you need to review the following:
1. overuse of capitalization
-- Facility Manager > ?
2. phrasing/word use
-- on the contrary > (wrong phrase) see http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/trans1.html
These are minor issues whose mention should not overshadow what you've done well in this exercise.
I look forward to reading more from you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Hi Prof Brad, thank you for pointing out the mistakes that i would not have been able to spot them myself. I will make the necessary changes!
DeleteHello Angelina,
ReplyDeleteYour letter is generally well written and the content of your letter is good as it provides sufficient amount of introduction about yourself. However, I do feel that you could improve in certain areas.
1. Capitalization
For instance, " facility Manager", "Diploma in Integrated Facility Management" & "Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering for Building Services" should be in small caps.
2. Verb usage
"I was... my voice were too soft..." The verb "were" used here does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing it to "was" instead.
Let's work hard together towards achieving our goals for the module!
Cheers,
Zi You